


Paper airplanes

by Emeraldflowers



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Car Accidents, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Denial, Drama & Romance, Fluff, M/M, Memory Loss, Pagan Festivals, Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 21:02:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7377259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emeraldflowers/pseuds/Emeraldflowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean vanished without a word when he and Cas were kids. He suddenly comes back to the same town, but with no memory of anything other than he's been there before. Cas is conflicted about his feelings for him, they were just friends...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paper airplanes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel meets Dean after a very long time and Dean doesn't remember anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to write a Destiel fan fiction, so here it is! I don't know if it'll turn out good, but it's worth a shot. I hope you like it :)

Gentle breeze is playing with Castiel's hair. He's standing at the edge of a hill, looking up at the unbelievably blue sky, tainted with clouds. He never ceases to be fascinated by it. A stronger gust of wind messed up his hair, more than it already was. Cas clutched a piece of paper in his hand so it wouldn't be blown away. 

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Opening his eyes again, he felt them heat up, tears begin to cloud his vision of the unspeakably green grass beneath his feet. He gently smoothed out the paper airplane, which he fondled up just seconds before. Cas looked at it, doubt lingering in his chest. He took another deep breath and whispered to himself: _"It's time... "_

Cas carefully let go of the paper airplane, the wind picked it up and carried far away. Away into the sea. Castiel can't wait to become just like that airplane, free, light, innocent but most importantly--

_Ah, it fell... Just like me..._

Castiel lifted up his arms by his sides, pretending they're his wings. He managed to stretch a tiny smile on his face, knowing he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. It's been too long. And, finally, he gets his peace...

"Hey! Is this yours?" 

Cas quickly turned around, slipping and almost falling off a steep hill that he wanted to fly off of. Buy he caught Cas. Green eyes, like the field... Cute freckles, fair hair, smile like the most beautiful star. 

"Careful you could've fell!" he held Cas by his arm, pulling him back up to stand. "So, is this your paper airplane?" he smiled. 

"Yes... It is."

"Well, here you go." he placed the airline in Castiel's hand, refusing to keep it. 

"Why..?" Cas couldn't find better words. Actually, that was the only thing he could mutter out. 

"Why?" he repeated as if not understanding the question. "Because I found it. And I wanted to give it back."

"What if I let it go because I didn't want it back?"

"You shouldn't litter."

It got a small laugh from Cas. 

"You shouldn't litter." Castiel repeated, a smile on his face. 

"Yeah... So, why are you here?"

"It's beautiful here. The only place I can be alone, in silence."

"There are windmills and birds everywhere, there's no silence."

Cas glared at the other male, displeased.

"Right, I get what you mean." the guy fixed his reply. 

" _So_ , why are _you_ here?" Cas locked his hands behind his back. 

"Just visiting, after a long time of not being here. I'm Dean, by the way."

"Castiel."

"Cool name."

Cas snarled at him, why doesn't he just leave. 

"Why are you still talking to me?" Castiel was clearly irritated by Dean, annoyed, even. 

"You keep asking questions."

"Then, stop answering them."

"I can't."

"What do you mean you _can't_?!" 

"I want to talk to you more."

"Why couldn't you just say that in the first place?!" Cas thinks Dean is acting like a child. 

"What if you take it the wrong way?!" 

"Then that would be my problem!"

"That's not how I see it!"

"Stop shouting!"

"You're shouting, too!"

"I'll stop if you stop! Gah--" 

Dean tackled Castiel and they both fell on the soft grass. It took a second for Cas to realize what has happened. Dean is on top of him, smiling like an idiot... While Cas is lying on the grass, hearing buzzing next to his ear- a ladybug... 

"Get off." he growled. 

"Harsh...fine." Dean got up and offered Cas a hand, which he refused to take. 

"Why did you come back?" Cas asked after he dusted himself off. 

"I kind of missed this place... No, I moved here to study. First time in all boys school. Man, it must be boring without girls." Dean laughed and ran a hand through his hair. 

"Not really, school is for learning, not finding a mate." 

"Damn, you're weird..."

Cas squinted my eyes at him, he sighed and walked off. He tried to, anyway. Dean grabbed his arm and looked Castiel in the eye. 

"Say, have we met before?" 

"Go back to where you came from." Castiel yanked his arm from Dean's hands. 

"Rude much..." Dean let his hands fall by his sides. 

Castiel turned his back to Dean and made his way down the hill. Onto a path made from red bricks. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and walked home grumpy. 

As soon as Castiel was home he kicked off his shoes, hurried to the living room and smashed the first picture he found. He kicked the couch, threw the pillows on the ground and screamed in frustration. He held his head in his hands, collapsed on the floor. Castiel couldn't even begin to describe how frustrated and angry he is. How in despair he is. 

"After so many _fucking_ years. He just shows up with no memory of anything..."

Castiel wants to yell at Dean, but he also wants to care for him... Tell him to fuck off, but stay... Ignore and pretend he doesn't know him, question where he's been, what he's done... Cas wants to hate him, but he loves him... 

Cas curled up, hugging his knees, resting his head on them. He hears the door open. Cas hears a gasp, he lifts his head up to see his brother Gabriel.

"What happened here?" he dropped his backpack on the floor and stared at the mess Castiel made out of pure emotion.

"He's fucking back..." Cas lifted his head up and looked up at Gabriel. 

"Where the hell is my whiskey..?"

"It's not yours!" Cas yells as Gabriel rushes to the alcohol cabinet in the guest room. 

"Is Sam with him?" Gabriel yells from the guest room. 

"Probably." 

"Goddammit..." Gabriel sets his drink on the glass coffee table, picks up a couple of pillows and plops down on the couch, drink in hand. "How did you even know he's back in town?"

"I ran into him on the hill..."

"I'm sorry, buy what were you doing there again?" he was about to take a sip of his drink, but Cas took it away and gulped it in one go. 

"You're not old enough to drink." Cas put the glass aside. 

"Oh, and you are?"

"I have reasons."

"Sure you do." Gabriel crossed his arms. 

"Thing is... He doesn't remember anything."

"That's good isn't it? You can start anew."

"Maybe I shouldn't try and talk to him. I think it's better to just leave him alone, let him live his own life as he remembers it." Cas got up and started cleaning up the living room. 

Gabriel hummed in response. He lied back on the sofa and closed his eyes. 

"If Dean doesn't remember you, it doesn't mean Sam doesn't remember me or you either. If he remembers, he might tell Dean all about it."

"If Sam is even with him..." Cas sighed. "I think if Sam remembered, he would've told Dean a long time ago."

"So our boys are back... After...how many years?" 

"Too many. Listen, Dean is going to all boys school."

"So? What, are you jealous?"

"It's our school. How am I supposed to avoid him when he's at our school?" 

"hmm, you don't. I don't understand you, why would you avoid him?"

"I have my own reasons." 

Gabriel said nothing in response, got up, got his backpack and opened the front door. 

"Where are you going?" Cas asked, looking over the couch. 

"I'm going for a walk." he left as soon as he answered. 

Cas was left alone in the house. Left to contemplate the past thirteen years of being confused and angry. But mostly heart broken. The sea was his best therapy, but recently even that stopped helping. 

Castiel got up and went to his room. He opened the top drawer from under the desk, revealing dozens of paper airplanes, maybe even hundreds, all piled up and stashed away. Occasionally, Cas counts them. It takes a while, but everytime he adds a new one, he has to remember how many there were. 

It's time he makes another paper airplane. One hundred fifty-fifth airplane. Cas is going to need a bigger drawer... He managed to stuff it all back in, barely, without it falling out. 

He curled up on his bed and waited for sleep to take over, even if it's still early in the afternoon. Cas has a lot to do, but he doesn't have any motivation to do. Homework, whatever, it's almost the end of the school year. Study for a test, it's still a couple of days from now. 

Castiel is fighting the urge to run back to Dean and tell him everything, ask everything. Talk, sitting on the freshly cut grass just like when they were kids. He still can't forgive him for leaving without saying anything and breaking their promise. It's not that he _can't_ forgive him, Cas doesn't want to. Because that would mean he forgets all the hard years without Dean, waiting unknowingly if he'll come back. But he can never forget... Or maybe he just won't? 

This longing, waiting, it was agonizing. Now just when he was about to rest, he shows up again. At the worst possible time, when Cas had given up completely, Dean came back and smiled. At that moment, Cas wanted to cry. Both tears of joy and sadness. But he could only be angry with him, which he regrets now. Maybe he really was too harsh, I mean, Dean doesn't remember him at all and he just acts on his emotion, confusing the little clueless dude. 

_Why am I still think about it?_

 Castiel buried his face into his pillow, feeling his face heat up a bit. He shook off any thoughts of Dean and worried about tomorrow's assignment that was due a month ago, but Cas never got around to doing it. 

He sat up and glanced through the window, clouds are beginning to take over the sky. It's gonna start raining soon. Cas shrugged and grabbed a huge piece of paper. It's his assignment. Quite a tedious work, but he'll manage somehow. Cas sighed, grabbed his pencilcase and made his way to the desk. Pushing his laptop out of the way, he spread the sheet of paper and his drawing materials on the desk. Cas turned on his laptop and waited for it to boot up. 

There was not a single drop of blue screen in the sky now. Clouds covered everything, dark storm clouds. Cas had to turn on the light to see what the hell he was doing. He spent a couple of hours researching animals that live in different continents, their habits and habitats. Even worse, he has to memorize it for the presentation. He stretched and rested his eyes. He hadn't noticed how it started pouring down. Cas got up and walked past the front door, heading for the kitchen to make some tea. Cas backtracked as he saw a figure standing by the front door under the small roof. 

There was, indeed, a person there. Waiting for the rain to stop. Maybe he should invite him in. Cas opened the door, friends as he recognized who it was. 

"Oh, hey. Nice place you have here." Dean beamed. 

Cas said nothing in response. He left the door opened and turned his back to Dean. 

"You can come in..." he said after Dean stood there for a couple of minutes. 

"Thanks." he closed the door behind himself. How did you notice me outside?"

"Uhm, through the glass?" Cas walked to the kitchen, Dean followed. 

"Yeah, right... So what are you doing?" 

"A school project. I came out to make tea..."

"A project this late?"

"It was due last month, but I procrastinated..."

Dean laughed. Cas felt strangely good, making him laugh. 

"I can relate." Dean played with a bracelet around his wrist. 

Castiel recognized it. It's the bracelet he gave Dean all those years ago. 

"It's a nice bracelet, where did you get it?" Cas set down cups for both of them. 

"I guess someone really special gave it to me... I don't really remember, but I wore it all the time so that's what I assume." Dean looked down at it, a small smile on his face. 

"Someone special..." Cas whispered to himself as he poured the boiling water on the leaves. 

"Do you live by yourself?" Dean broke the awkward silence. 

"No, I live with my brothers and my father."

"Is your dad a lawyer? This house is pretty huge."

"No, he's a writer."

This painfully awkward exchange had to end somehow. 

"I know it's rude to leave guests like that, but I have to finish the project." Cas took his cup and started walking out. 

"Oh, I'll come with." 

Castiel said nothing, going up to his room and setting the tea on the desk. Dean was standing by the bed, looking around. Cas kicked a few pieces of clothes out of the obvious view. 

"Sorry for the mess." Cas picked up his glasses and put them on. Continuing to read the article about platypuses. 

"Holy shit..." Dean whispered quietly but loud enough for Cas to hear. 

"What?" he focused his eyes on Dean. 

"Umm, it's just that... You look cute with glasses. Shit, no, forget I said anything."

Cas pretended not to care, but inside he was screaming and blushing. Of course, he wouldn't show it to Dean. He got startled by Dean's breath against his neck. They suddenly were so close. Cas felt a chill creep up his neck. Have they ever been so close? 

"Platypuses?" Dean muttered. 

"Y-yeah... Is there a problem?"

"No, they're just really weird animals." 

"You're really close, can you move?" Cas turned his face from Dean's, as he was unable to remain calm anymore. 

"Sorry. Mind if I help?" 

Cas shook his head, got up from his seat and offered it to Dean. He took the offer and stretched his fingers to start typing. 

"So what do you need to do here?" He asked.

"Give a presentation about different animals."

"Just any animals? Alright, let's choose the easiest ones." He started searching names of animals Cas hasn't even heard of. 

"Wha- how is this easier, I didn't even know these animals existed?" 

"Exactly, you'll impress the teacher, since they aren't well known there isn't much about them, so less memorizing. And they're interesting." 

Cas wasn't left in awe, Dean cheats while playing completely by the rules. But how does he know about all this? 

"How..."

"My brother is a total nerd, his knowledge of almost everything helps a lot." Dean smiled. Cas smiled back. Dean averted his eyes, if Cas hadn't known better he'd say Dean's cheeks were colored slightly red. 

"Is Sam with you?" Cas covered his mouth, realizing what mistake he'd made. Dean stared at him, dumbfounded. 

"How do you know my brother's name?" Dean furrowed his eyebrows. 

"We used to hang out sometimes...he, uh, told me about you..." 

"Makes sense, I guess... But yeah, he's with me." Dean scooted to make space on the chair. "Here, sit down."

"It's alright, I can stand." 

"How are you going to read the articles from up there?" Dean insisted.

Cas rolled his eyes and sat down next to Dean, touching bodies. He was so warm... Cas almost leaned and put his head on Dean's shoulder. He caught himself just in time. 

"We need a pen..." Dean trailed off. He opened the top drawer and all the paper airplanes _"flew"_ out all across the room. "Sorry..." he smiled sheepishly. 

Dean looked at the mess he's made. He got up and started picking up the airplanes one by one. 

"Wow, there are so many... Why do have them?" 

Cas bit his cheek, thinking whether to tell or not. 

"I made one for every month that someone very special to me was missing. I've made one for every month for the past thirteen years..."

"Are they dead?"

Cas smiled, but it was a sad smile. 

"I think I'm dead to them..." Cas choked back tears. 

"Whoever they are, they're an inconsiderate asshole. Do they know how emotionally painful and breaking it is?"

Cas shrugged it. He turned away from Dean, taking off his glasses to wipe the tears he couldn't keep back anymore. But he was still smiling. Cas felt gentle arms embrace him from behind. And he let himself melt into them. 

"I'm sorry if I brought up something really painful..." 

Cas shook his head. "It's alright, it wasn't your fault." It couldn't have been Dean's fault that Cas was left alone. Dean would never have left him like that. 

He feels so safe in his arms. Castiel got up, Dean had let go of him. Dean was a little surprised when Cas wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him back into a hug. Cas pressed his head against Dean's chest. He could hear his heart beat faster. He smiled to himself and whispered:

"It wasn't your fault... Right?" 

"I guess not..."

Cas closed his eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek. His lips curved into a small smile. 

"It couldn't have been." he assures himself as he listened to Dean's heart continuing beating like crazy. He couldn't judge him, his heart was racing as well. 

"Hey, Cas... Will you let go now?" 

"Yeah, just a little bit more. It's been a while." Cas squeezed harder before letting go. 

The rain had stopped a while ago. It's sunny again. Quiet in the house, the sunset rays are the only lighting. The two are standing, staring into each others eyes. Cas was trying to find someone he lost long ago. Of course, unsuccessfully because the person he searched for is standing right in front of him, smiling with a red face like an idiot. The reflection in his eyes showed that he had the exact same stupid expression. 

"It's cleared up. Maybe you should go." 

"Yeah, of course. I'll, uh, see you later?" 

"Mhm, just go." Cas crossed his arms. He watched as Dean left his room. He heard him close the outside door, Cass figured he was gone now. 

The smile faded from his lips. He looked at the ground, what a mess it still was.

"Maybe it's time I stop making these..." Cas sighed and kicked a few paper airplanes before picking them up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you noticed any mistakes, please let me know :3


End file.
